BY EMAIL
Have you had the
email?
Or did you arrive
here by accident? Perhaps you too are interested in buying an Aston
Martin and stumbled upon this site with a mixture of awe and
confusion?
Well be confused
no longer (stay awed, awed is good). Below is a copy of the missive
currently crisscrossing the globe via the medium of electronic
jiggery-pokery, once you've read it, digested it and agreed with all
the salient points, why not copy it and send it to all your friends?
After that, send
it to your enemies - who knows, perhaps this is the ice-breaker you've
been looking for? Maybe this is your chance to apologise to Auntie
Doreen for vomiting in her father's urn?
Or perhaps you
just know someone with 50p to spare and a sense of humour?
Read on:
Subject: The power of politeness ...
Hello there,
Can I just say, before we begin - that
outfit is very fetching, you look lovely today. Simply lovely.
I know your inbox is clogged with all
sorts of unsolicited mail promising you larger this or smaller that or
drugs or cheap watches - all of which are just thinly veiled attempts
to separate you from your money.
Well this email is different, this
email is a revolutionary new concept - POLITE
JUNK MAIL!
It's similar to the normal kind except
there are no bad consequences
for anyone and no one gets hurt, ripped off or sold things they
don't want. It's time to make the nasty business of unwanted emails
work for the people for a change. And by 'the people', I of course mean
- me.
Let me be very clear about this - this
is a chain letter and I am trying to separate you from
your money - but only a tiny, tiny fraction of it. You see, I want you
to BUY ME AN ASTON MARTIN.
"Ridiculous!" I hear you cry. "How can
I, Johnny or Janey Normal, possibly afford to buy you, random Internet
stranger, a £110,000 luxury car?"
Well, obviously, you can't. And neither
can I, which is how all this came about. You see, I would like nothing
more in the world than to own an Aston Martin - yes, I know I should
be wishing for world peace or an end to poverty or some such; but I'd
really much rather have an Aston Martin. We haven't got much use for
world peace round our way and in a sense I am trying to put an end to
poverty on a very specific and personal basis.
Rest assured though, there will be no
attempt to glean any personal information from you, nowhere will you
be asked to fill in any forms and we will have no personal contact. If
you fail to follow the instructions in this email NOTHING BAD WILL
HAPPEN TO YOU OR YOUR LOVED ONES. Conversely, if you do follow the
instructions, nothing good will happen to you or your loved ones
either. I, on the other hand, will be one teeny-tiny step closer to
owning a brand new Aston Martin; and my loved ones will be able
to share in my joy as they watch me drive up and down - I won't be
letting them inside because they're a bit on the grubby side and might
ruin the leather.
So what am I actually asking for?
Not much, as it happens.
If you would be so kind, please visit
www.buymeanastonmartin.com
- if you don't want to click on this link (and that's very sensible
and prudent of you) then feel free to type it into the search engine
of your choice. You should instantly be delivered to a lovely site
which gives you more details, including pictures of the car I want,
the total raised so far, a blog detailing my quest and a list of FAQ's.
If you then feel so inclined, you can
help me in any one of three ways:
- Donate a tiny sum of money. About 50p
sounds lovely to me. You probably won't miss it and I'll be 50p closer
to owning an Aston Martin. You can donate more, you can donate less -
it's totally up to you.
- Forward this email on to everyone in
your address book - spread the word, spread the Aston Martin love ...
just don't spread the wealth any further than me.
- Both of the above.
And that's it. Simple, isn't it?
Once again, let me assure you - this
isn't a scam or a joke, there's no gypsy's curse attached to this
missive and not a single penny of this money is going to charity. It
is exactly what it purports to be, a lone individual (a crazy dreamer
some might say) trying to use the modern phenomenon of junk mail to
bring a little joy to the world.
My world, true, but it still counts.
Please take care of you and yours, it
would be absolutely lovely to hear from you soon, lovelier if you could
pass this on and loveliest if you could spare a little loose change.
Yours, in eternal optimism
An Aston
Martin fan
. com
